Buyer Beware: Lessons Learned From Browsing the Home Section

I'm pretty sure that writing housing descriptions for houses on the market requires an optimistic personality.


Looking for a home has been an exhausting and sometimes frustrating experience, but I have learned a few lessons along the way:

1. Cozy means small


2. Charming means small


3. Great Neighborhood means horrible house that doesn't compare at all to the others on the block.


4. Fixer upper means bottomless moneysucking pit


5. Move in ready means fixer upper


6. Reduced means either one of two things (1) this house can't sell; or (2) liars!


7. [name of city]-adjacent means horrible area


8. No pictures provided of kitchen or bathrooms, means that's the deal breaker


9. People who use the word "gorgeous" don't have good taste.


10. In the 600s, 700s, 800s, etc. means 699, 799, 899, respectively.


11. Everyone secretly thinks they are an entertainer when they are shopping for a house, and the sellers know this (hence the entertainer's backyards and the entertainer's kitchens - although I've never seen an entertainer's kitchen); however, the seller's version of entertaining is not often the same as mine.